Saturday, January 5, 2008

Post No 1.

This is not a running blog. I like reading other people's running blogs, but the running is not so high on my list of things to focus on in my life, that it will get more than a line or two in a tiny diary, to keep track of things.

Can this be a blog about life? Because then if you know me, you will know more than you want to know about my life, and those of the other people around me. What if they don't want to be blogged about in my blog?

Do I need to blog about life? What purpose does that serve? Perhaps blogging is more about what you want to say - a forum for issues that are being moved around in headspace, trying to find a fit. If that's the case, then I have my post for the day.

It's about responsibility for self.

Not about picking up your stuff, making sure you eat properly and taking your library books back. It's about working out what you want to do, what you should be doing, and then making sure it happens, to the best of your ability, and with respect for the people around you.

It's not about working out what you want other people to do for you, and then complaining when they don't agree with you, and don't want to do it for you.

Today someone in my circle, who perhaps would like to think of themselves as being the person to whom I owe my first allegiance, did not like what I did with my morning. He did not approve of where and with whom I spent my morning, and he did not approve of my not letting him know what I was doing.

Who does he think I am? His property/servant/professional fool? He may no longer want to be friends with someone, but I am free to choose for myself, decide for myself whether I want to give them my time. He has trouble accepting that I am independent of him in this regard, and that he has no right to restrict who I see. Deep down I am sure he knows this, but the interactions he had with the friend he no longer likes to see, are not things he likes to think about. He does not like to consider that the friend took steps to preserve herself as best she knew how, given who she was at the time. He does not like to consider how his own actions led to some of the choices she made. Perhaps her wanting to see me today was even about her still questioning herself over those choices. I am fine with her. What's done is done, and if it helps her heal, I will give her my time and my friendship. I can do no less and keep in good conscience with myself. I could wish that the things that happened between them, did not happen at all, but they did, and both of them need to accept their own responsibility for their actions. Move on from narrow-minded blame. Be brave enough to dig deep into your own soul, and look at what you've done along the way in your life. It helps you to keep humble, and to have empathy. We all have some shit in our lives. If you are brave enough, you can still use it in mudbricks, and build something out of it.

Wonder if I have enough mudbricks to build an extension on the house?


KIT said...

Hahaha I could build a high rise out of my mud bricks!!!!

Has that beautiful bub of yours have red hair???? That little photo is so cute!

Jac's Mum said...

Yep, definitely a ginger-snap. Blue eyes so far.