Post No. 3

She-it! Another week has gone past. What did I do this week? Grete and I worked, um, 31 hrs, I only got a couple of runs done - Mon 6k (7min ks for first 3k, 5'36" ks for second 3k) ; Fri - same course, with No. 2, and baby in stroller, in the light misting rain - 45' - just toddled along with my boy, with a smile on my face. Sat - 100m track in 16.something, just rolling it out, as quadriceps m. are worth keeping intact; 400m track 78s (in a heat with the little kids :) ; 4 x 100m relay. So much fun to go and play with my friends again.

The older 3 kids' daddy is about to leave for 4mo in the USA again. He's happy to be going, to see his girlfriend and all that. So I will be going it alone again, with the 4 chilluns. (*cue "I Will Survive" music*). The tricky bit, is to achieve a quality of life, with a quantity of stuff to get through. If I have to do everything concerning the kids in the short term, it's OK if some things don't get done so well. In the longer term, with HSCs (No. 1), major improvements in homework and lifestyle needed (No. 2), and emotional nurturing while Dad is away (No. 3), it not only has to be done, but has to be the very best I can possibly do for them, because in my head I will be satisfied with nothing less. This is going to take some major planning, to get the level of co-operation I will need from each of them.

No. 1 will be OK. She has a good understanding of my role, and what my responsibilities are, and assists to the best of her ability. Her own life will come together, with only a little bit more self-discipline, and a bit more self-challenging along the way. That's what teenagers do, and I'm sure she will do it well for herself.

No. 2 needs work. In all senses of the word. Baby, I love you, but you are growing up. Time to be a bit more comfortable with grown up stuff, like a workload, and goals, and things to be proud of in yourself. You will need all of them , to survive soon. Kisses on your still-smooth face.

No. 3. Needs to be a baby for a bit longer, and be cuddled, and spoilt with love and affection. Needs to immerse himself in some tricky, process-related tasks, making things that take a couple of days to complete. Something to occupy his mind, solving the problems he encounters along the way. Getting the idea of being competent.

And I will keep the raft that we are all on, afloat. In my low times, I know that I will wish there was someone who could keep watch on the raft for me, when I am too tired or overwhelmed to do it myself. But there isn't. I do the parenting thing then, like an endurance run - just keep picking up one foot after the other. It's then that I think about the privileged life I have here. Not the life I would have if I had been born in Bangladesh, or so many other places. So, I am OK. Lonely sometimes, when I see so many other happy families, and people who have someone who makes it their main aim to be their partner. But OK. Who knows, maybe one day I will have that, too.

Enough.